36 questions to fall in love
Three sets that grow closeness, one honest answer at a time.
This is a set of 36 questions in three escalating rounds, written in the spirit of the closeness ritual that psychologist Arthur Aron and his co-authors tested in 1997. Go in order, both of you answering every question, and save time for the last set. Draw a card, or read all three sets below.
The idea is simple and a little famous: two people, thirty-six questions that deepen as they go, and a closeness that sneaks up on you. The format comes from a 1997 experiment by the psychologist Arthur Aron and his co-authors, who put strangers through escalating rounds of personal questions and measured how close they felt afterwards.
These are our own questions written in that spirit, not the copyrighted set from the study. Do them in order, take turns, and do not rush the last set. That is where it works.
What is the first thing you do the moment you finally get a day off?
Set I - warming up
Go in order, both of you answering each one. The order matters more than you would think.
- 1What is the first thing you do the moment you finally get a day off?
- 2What is the last song you could not stop replaying?
- 3What is the most impressive skill you have that nobody has ever needed?
- 4What is something you are unexpectedly competitive about?
- 5Where do you go when you need ten minutes completely to yourself?
- 6What is a talent you have never found a real use for?
- 7What is the last thing that made you laugh so hard you cried?
- 8What is a personal rule you have never had to explain to anyone?
- 9What kind of person do you warm up to the fastest?
- 10What is a compliment that has stuck with you far longer than expected?
- 11What is something you are better at than people usually assume?
- 12What is the most reckless plan you have ever actually gone through with?
Set II - going deeper
- 13What is a belief about yourself you are still trying to unlearn?
- 14What is something your family taught you that you are quietly undoing?
- 15What is the loneliest you have felt while surrounded by people?
- 16What did you need as a kid that nobody quite gave you?
- 17What is a version of yourself you had to let go of to grow?
- 18What is a truth about your childhood you are still making peace with?
- 19What is the bravest thing you have done that nobody ever noticed?
- 20What is a hope you stopped saying out loud somewhere along the way?
- 21What is a wound that ended up making you a kinder person?
- 22What do you do with anger that you never let anyone see?
- 23What is something you have grieved without really telling anyone about it?
- 24What is the most honest answer to how you are actually doing?
Set III - closest of all
- 25What is something you have never had to fake with me?
- 26What is a part of you that only comes out around me?
- 27What is the safest you have ever felt with another person?
- 28What is a strength of yours that I lean on more than you realize?
- 29What is something about this moment you know you will hold onto?
- 30What is something you have never trusted anyone else with the way you trust me?
- 31What do you want to be brave enough to tell me right now?
- 32What is something about the way I love you that still feels like a privilege?
- 33What do you want us to promise each other, just the two of us?
- 34What do you want me to always remember about you, even years from now?
- 35What is the truest thing you have felt about us that you have never said?
- 36What is a memory of us you remember differently than the way you usually tell it?
