Questions to get to know your partner
For knowing them all the way down, not just the surface.
These are questions to get to know your partner properly: their history, their inner life, how they think, and what they want. They work whether you met last month or married a decade ago. Draw a card, or read the numbered list.
85 questions in 6 sectionsUpdated September 2026
You can know someone's coffee order and still not know what keeps them up at night. Really knowing a person takes better questions.
These go past the surface: their inner world, their past, their dreams, and the small things that add up to a whole person.
Get to know them / Their inner world1 / 85
What do you daydream about when your mind wanders?
Their inner world
- 1What do you daydream about when your mind wanders?
- 2What is a thought that keeps circling back to you lately?
- 3What do you tell yourself on the days you doubt yourself?
- 4How do you talk to yourself when no one is listening?
- 5What does peace actually feel like inside your head?
- 6What is a version of you that only comes out when you are alone?
- 7What do you notice about yourself that you think I miss?
- 8What emotion do you hide the best, even from me?
- 9What do you rehearse in your head before a hard conversation?
- 10What is a feeling you have never quite found the right word for?
- 11What goes through your mind in the seconds after you wake up?
- 12What do you do in your head to talk yourself down?
- 13What is the quietest part of you that I have not met yet?
- 14What runs through your mind on a long drive alone?
- 15What is a worry you carry quietly, most days?
- 16What do you wish your own mind would just let go of?
Their past
- 17What is an object from your childhood you wish you still had?
- 18What is the first song you remember truly loving?
- 19Which teacher shaped you in a way they never knew?
- 20What is a smell that instantly pulls you back to being a kid?
- 21What is the earliest memory you actually trust is real?
- 22What did you get in trouble for the most as a kid?
- 23What is a meal from your childhood that still tastes like home?
- 24What is a photo of you as a kid that says a lot?
- 25What was pinned to your wall as a teenager?
- 26What is a place from your childhood that does not exist anymore?
- 27What did you write in the back of your old notebooks?
- 28What was your walk home from school like?
- 29Who is a relative you wish you had known better?
- 30What did you keep in your pockets as a kid?
Their favorites
- 31What is your favorite word to say out loud?
- 32What song do you never skip, no matter your mood?
- 33What time of day feels the most like you?
- 34What kind of weather do you secretly love getting stuck in?
- 35What smell instantly puts you completely at ease?
- 36Which piece of clothing will you never let yourself throw away?
- 37What do you like most about your own name?
- 38What is your favorite way to be woken up?
- 39Which season feels the most like home to you?
- 40What is your favorite kind of quiet?
- 41What is the most satisfying way to kill exactly ten minutes?
- 42What is a small luxury you never feel guilty about?
- 43What is your favorite thing to look at when you are thinking?
- 44What is your favorite kind of laugh to get out of me?
Their dreams
- 45What is something you would attempt if you knew you could not fail?
- 46If you could master any craft overnight, what would you choose?
- 47What imaginary version of yourself do you wish people could meet?
- 48What would you study if grades and money did not matter at all?
- 49What recognition do you secretly hope you earn one day?
- 50What is the boldest thing you would do with total anonymity?
- 51What is a talent you wish had been noticed sooner?
- 52What conversation do you still hope to have with someone someday?
- 53What is the wildest place your imagination takes you when you let it?
- 54What would you build if resources were never the problem?
- 55What is a title or role you have always secretly wanted?
- 56What is something you want to be brave enough to try this year?
- 57What kind of person do you hope this next decade turns you into?
- 58What would you name the life you have not lived yet?
How they love
- 59What do you do the moment you realize you trust someone completely?
- 60How do you know the difference between being loved and being needed?
- 61What makes you finally let your guard down with someone?
- 62What is the smallest gesture that convinces you someone truly cares?
- 63How do you let someone know they are forgiven before you say it?
- 64What do you do without thinking when someone you love is hurting?
- 65What is harder for you, saying I love you or proving it?
- 66What did loving someone teach you that surprised you?
- 67What is something about how you love that has only gotten braver with time?
- 68What do you find yourself doing for people you love without being asked?
- 69What does it look like when you finally feel completely safe with someone?
- 70What is the bravest way you have ever loved someone?
- 71How do you love someone when you are still learning to love yourself?
The little things
- 72What is a tiny habit of yours that you do not even notice anymore?
- 73What is the first thing you do the second you walk in the door?
- 74What phrase do you say so often that I could say it for you?
- 75What is a small task you always do the exact same way?
- 76What tiny thing do you do when you are trying not to laugh?
- 77What is something you always do twice, just to be sure?
- 78What is the last thing you check before you leave the house?
- 79What do you do in the first five minutes of being awake?
- 80What is a small object you always seem to have on you?
- 81What small gesture of yours would give you away in a crowd?
- 82What is a small sound that instantly gets your attention?
- 83What do you always straighten or fix without even thinking about it?
- 84What do you do with your hands when you are deep in thought?
- 85What tiny thing do you fidget with when you are nervous?
